Trapped in the Rubble
by Magicks and Vengeance
Summary: In the aftermath of the final battle with the First, the few survivors will never be the same as they used to...
1. Buffy

Obviously, I don't really know who's going to die or what not, so I'm making it up. I was just bored, and I wrote these short "POV" pieces about how I imagine the aftermath of the last battle with the First might end up. And if you're going to review just to say something like "how culd u kill (blah)???" then just forget it, okay? If you're going to do that, at LEAST put some constructive criticism or something in there...   
  
  
**Buffy**  
  
  
I knew many would die. I knew it, and I prepared myself for it. Hell, I'd been preparing for the death of everyone I loved since Glory. It was then that I realized that there was no way we'd ever all make it. Some of us, maybe all of us, would die. And it would be much too early for any of us. But, even with all the preparing, it hit me too hard. It took until after the battle, until I knew everything was okay, that I could go back home and rest. For a very, very long time.   
  
But it turns out everything wasn't okay. There were so many dead. People I felt like I'd known forever, people I'd just met a few months earlier, people I never even knew. All but four of the Potentials are dead. Three went home, Rona stayed here. We don't know why, we haven't asked. I don't exactly care. I don't notice anybody anymore. Everyone lives here now. Which doesn't turn out to be that many people. But they seem to need each other, in a way I can't understand anymore. I used to need them, but now I just stay away. I'm not even sure if they notice, lost in their pain that will never go away.   
  
It's been a week, since the battle. I think barely anyone has left the house since, save for Faith. She's gone all day, then comes back only to sleep. Nobody knows what she does, maybe even she doesn't. We've all changed too much. Luckily people haven't been eating much, because nobody's been grocery shopping. Not that we have much money, since no one has been working. I go back to work in a few days, and Dawn's going to have to go back to school.   
  
Fred lives here now, too. I don't understand why she didn't go back to Los Angeles with the others, but I don't care. Because I don't see why anything really matters anymore. I only ever see her writing things down in a notebook, nose in a book, or talking quietly with Willow, Anya, or Dawn.   
  
Willow looks horrible now. She barely talks, and when she does, it's only a hushed whisper. Anya always talks, but sometimes doesn't make sense. And I barely ever see Dawn, she's always in Willow's room, laying there. They all sleep, nearly live, in Willow's room. Dawn was the first to move there, laying in her spot on the floor. Rona and Anya sleep on the floor in there, too, and Fred and Willow sleep on her bed. They feel safer as a group. But I couldn't join in if I tried. I love my own room, being quiet and alone. Faith moved from the couch to Dawn's empty room.  
  
Its relieving to have a small house again. There are still blankets and pillows piled in every room of the house, and empty cereal and TV dinner boxes piled by the trash can, which nobody has bothered to take out. They're the last signs of all the girls that once populated the house, besides the weapons and training tools still downstairs, where no one has gone since the fight. I'll have to go down and clean up before I have to go to work.   
  
I got a new job, but this time it's being a janitor at Sunnydale Elementary. It was the only job around, I have to start somewhere. There's still bills to pay, and nobody else seems fit for work. I'm the slayer, I have to be.   
  
Stuff's happened, and I understand the need to grieve. But I think I'm the only one that realizes that life still has to go on. They have to learn that, in order to live, sometimes you have to be cold. And I turned cold a long time ago.   



	2. Willow

Next part... :D And someone left a review saying they wanted to know who all died... I'm getting there! :D  
  
  
**Willow****  
  
  
  
**The final battle. It finally happened. And, to me, it was extremely final. Somehow, I still can't understand why people I love constantly have to die.   
  
The first? Jesse. It was so long ago, but I still remember. How could I forget? My first confrontation with horrible, unnecessary death. The first time I saw a dead body and realized the exact reason why that person was dead. It was evil. Not cancer, not heart disease, not a freak accident. Evil. A soulless creature killed him, and, even worse, wanted to eat him. Up to that point, it was the worst funeral I'd ever been to. And I don't think I could have ever believed it if someone had told me there'd be funerals that were a lot worse.   
  
Then, we skip the rest of high school. Although at graduation, so many people died. I didn't have time to think about them. Cut to our first year of college, and Buffy's mother. It was worse than Jesse. She was like the mother I never had. She cared about my opinion, she actually noticed my presence from time to time, and it just felt like she was exactly how I always thought a mother should have been. And I never would have made it through her death if it hadn't been for Tara.   
  
The next major death was that of Buffy. It made me crazy, and I did something I never should have done, and convinced everyone we should bring her back. How would things have gone later, if I'd never brought her back? Would I have still become addicted to magic? Would Tara have left? Would she have died?  
  
The most horrible death I've ever faced. Worse than Mrs. Summers, so much worse than Buffy. Worse than any death I'll ever have to face again. I lost Tara. It's still hard. Nearly every morning, I have to wake up and remember she's gone. She's not there next to me. Hell, she's not even a thousand miles from me. She's so far away, that sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never see her again. Not even when I die. How could I ever go to the same dimension as her? I've done so many horrible, horrible things. I don't deserve to be wherever I'm sure she is. I don't think I ever even deserved her in the first place. She's gone, and there's no way she's ever coming back. She's really, really gone. And as guilty as it makes me feel, I see her death in every death, which makes it all so much worse.   
  
And then, there weren't any more deaths. Not until the final battle. Now it seems like they're all gone. Nobody's left, and there's hardly any reason anymore for me to be here. My heart feels like it isn't even there.   
  
Worst of all these deaths was Xander. Out of the three people it seems like I've always loved most in my life, he seemed to be the one that would never die. He just couldn't. He was Xander. Buffy died twice, but she's still around. Tara died, and I know she'll never be back. But Xander just didn't die. He was the one person I knew I could always fall back on. And he was. Dead. He was the first death of the battle that I saw with my own eyes, and that was the moment I knew nothing would be okay again. I lost myself, and I'd never find the real Willow again. And I'd never even been sure who she was in the first place.   
  
Giles. Somehow, I walked into the battle assuming he would die. I felt guilty, but I knew he wasn't quite as fit as he used to be, and he hadn't even come with a weapon. He hadn't wanted to fight. I urged him just to bring something, anything. But he wouldn't. And he was added to the list of people I loved that I saw die. Would the list ever end?   
  
Of course not. Kennedy was next. And I still feel guilty that she made me feel Tara's death in every way. For a second, I couldn't remember her name. All I could think was Tara, and how this couldn't he happening again. But I'd already lost it. Even Spike and Andrew left their marks on me.   
  
It's been a week, I think. I've stopped counting. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't sleep unless I'm clinging to someone. Just to know that there's someone there. That not everyone is dead. But it still feels like they all are.   
  
We're all almost always in my room. Who we all are, I haven't exactly figured out yet. Who else is alive? Who died, that I never noticed? How many potentials are still here?   
  
I think we're all a little bit crazy. Or we've been driven insane. Whimpering and mumbling and babbling all night. Or maybe even into day. I don't recognize any difference between them anymore.  
  
One presence I've been looking for is Buffy. And I haven't been able to find it. I can't believe that she hasn't gone crazy from all of this. But then again, maybe I can.   
  
How long will this go on for? How long will it be until I'm dead? Will my suffering end there? Will I find Willow again? Will she find Tara? Or Xander? Am I already dead, and this is what hell is like? Maybe some day I'll know.   
  



	3. Dawn

Someone had mentioned something about me characterizing Giles wrong... Well... I honestly don't know what to say, besides the fact that it's just how it happened in my fic. Buffy had been being hard on him through most of the season. But oh well. Sorry you think I did him wrong, but it was how I wanted to do him. And finally, another chapter. And obviously, now that the finale is over with, this is not how it goes. But we knew that anyway, right?   
  
I think it's kinda shorter than the others, but I think it fits well with my intentions. Attempt to enjoy :D  
  
  
**Dawn**  
  
  
Here I am, laying on Willow's floor. A few streaks of sunlight seeping through the curtains are the only thing lighting the room. Nearly a week I've been in here, leaving rarely for food or to use the bathroom. But I don't know what to do with myself anymore. What happens, now that it's all over? I can't be normal again. I've seen to much.   
  
How can I go on with life, without being able to ask Giles for help? How can I go back to school, without Xander giving me a ride? Who's left for me to talk to in boredom, if Spike's gone? Who will protect all of us, now that Buffy's lost all emotion?   
  
But I also wonder what's going to happen to us. It's like we've all been driven crazy. Well, I honestly think we have. We're here almost all day, almost all night. We barely talk, and if we are, it's quietly. Willow, Fred, and Rona all share this room with me, and we're all at least a tiny bit insane. But after all of that, who wouldn't be? The whole gang came from L.A. to help with the battle, but Fred wouldn't go back. I'm not even sure if she was aware that there was somewhere for her to go back to. But we all feel safer together, and I'm glad she's here, even if I barely know her.   
  
Faith lives with us now, too. But I never see her. She's gone all day, and doesn't speak to anybody. But that's okay with me, I guess, I never liked her much anyway.   
  
For some of them, waking up is horrible. They have to remember all the horrible things we saw and that so many are dead all over again. But for me, I can't forget. It's in my every waking moment, it's in every dream I remember. I wake up knowing that there's barely anything to wake up to anymore.   
  
I have a feeling that Buffy is going to make me go back to school in the fall. Well, it's more than a feeling, I know she is. But I'm not right anymore. I can't make it at school. What would my friends think? Do I still have any friends? They're probably all dead, too. It would figure.   
  
But it's not like I have a future anyway. I can go to school, attempt to learn things, but I just know I'll never be the same again. I'll never be able to be productive. I don't feel there's any point to life anymore. Can't I just die, and be sent to some random dimension? Maybe I'll be at peace. Or be able to find somebody, anybody. Then I'd have proof that everyone isn't just gone, that they're all out there, some where. In any of countless dimensions. But they're not gone, not completely.   
  
And if they are, and that's all that happens to people who don't die mystical deaths, then at least I'll be gone. This life isn't worth living anymore. My body, my mind, my spirit... They're all damaged. Broken beyond fixing.   
  
But I don't have the strength to take my own life. I did at one point, but not anymore. It's gone from me for good. I don't have the strength to do anything anymore.   
  
But I want to. With all this depression and hopelessness, I want to get better. I want to be normal. But is it possible? Could anybody possibly help me enough to make me be able to live, with all that I've witnessed? And who could help me, anyway? They don't know about all the evil there is. They've been through so many near-apocalypses, and they haven't known about a single one. I'm doomed to this fate, of feeling like this forever. But I don't want to be. 


End file.
